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When I Am Still Me

I know that brownie a la mode last night was not regulation on the diet-I-don’t-call-a-diet-because-it’s-supposed-a-way-of-life (if you can call living without brownies life). But as I was sitting there berating myself and not enjoying the afterglow, I couldn’t help thinking of all the mean things people say about large, well fat, women and the mean thoughts I have about myself everyday.

When I first setup this blog, the last thing on my mind was posting a picture of myself anywhere on the web. For most of my adult life (especially the overweight part), I’ve managed to be in the background of pictures or, better yet, to be taking them. But because the need for speed trumped pride, I decided forgo a cartoon and to use my own picture – chins and all.

I’ve been on and off and then back on the diet wagon too many times to count but someday, as God as my witness, I will have a waist again.

And when I am a thinner woman, I shall be grateful that I can find things I like in my size.

I shall not assume that woman at the next table who has not made it there yet is lazy.

I shall not assume that she has no self-control or self-esteem.

I shall try to remember that her day is as hectic as mine.



I shall remember that being fat doesn’t make her a bad mother.

And I shall remember that the thin woman in the mirror is no more perfect or pathetic that she was when she was me.